If men could understand this martyrdom

March 1

Any failure, even minimal, I make, is for the soul a sword of sorrow that pierces the heart. At times I feel compelled to exclaim with the apostle, but, alas!, Not with the same perfection: "I no longer I who live," because I feel that someone is me.Another effect of this grace is that my life is becoming a cruel martyrdom, and I only find comfort in myself to live for Jesus' sake, though, alas!, Father, again the pain I feel comfort in certain times is unbearable, because the soul would like the entire life of crosses were planted and persecution.These natural events, as would be eating, drinking, sleeping, are very painful for me. The soul, in this state, because the hours pass groans too slow for her. At the end of each day, it feels like a heavy burden lightened and very relieved, but at the time backwards, in a deep sadness, thinking you have many days of exile, and it is in those moments when the soul wants to scream "Oh life, how cruel you are to me!, how long you are! Oh life, you are no longer living for myself but torment! O death, is not afraid of you know who can, as we open for you life! ".Before the Lord favored me with this grace, the pain of my sins, grief he felt at seeing the Lord so offended, the fullness of affection he felt for God, there were so intense as to make me out of myself, and sometimes, for it seems unbearable this pain, I had to vent with excruciating screams, unable to contain myself. But after this grace, the pain has become even more acute, to be like the heart leaps forth.Now I think I understand how hard was the martyrdom of our beloved Mother, which I had previously been possible. Oh, if men could understand this martyrdom! Who managed to suffer with our dear redeemer? Who would deny the beautiful title of "Queen of martyrs"?(July 7, 1913, at St. Mark P. Benedict in Lamis - Ep. I, p. 381)