How can tell what I feel?

July 16

How can tell what I feel? Believe me it is precisely this that constitutes the climax of my internal martyrdom. I live in a continuous night, the darkness is densísimas.I want the light and this light I never arrives. And, if you can see also some faint ray of light, which happens very rarely, it is this which kindled in the soul desires desperate to see the sun shine again, and these desires are so strong and violent, Very frequently, I do languish and melt with love for God, and I am ready to faint.All this without wanting to experiment and not to do anything to get it. Most often, this happens to me outside of prayer and when I am engaged in indifferent actions.I would not feel these things because I realize that when they are so violent, physical also suffers heavily, and for this reason, I have much fear that it is not convenient for me. At all times I think I'm going to die, and I would die to not feel the weight of the hand of God, which goes over my spirit.What is this? How do I have to act out of this deplorable state? Is God which worketh in me or someone else is acting on me? Tell me clearly, as usual, and let me know how this happens? (July 16, 1917, Fr Benedict of San Marco in Lamis - Letters. I, p. 909)