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July 19
What produces such desolation in your spirit is a singular grace that God gives only to those souls who want to raise a mystical union. It's just that, my dear Raffaelina.
The fear and terror that such grace leads to poor soul, if I remember correctly, it happens in this way.Such grace is a very simple and very light splendid and clear, that by penetrating the poor soul, finding unprepared and unfit to receive it provokes in you exactly what is happening right now. To give a comparison test or better, than anything has nothing to do with the topic at hand, I invite you to think of an individual affected by a disease in the eye. This individual, to look at light, suffering and could accuse the sun of enemy sight. Now, look a bit, the sun, generally speaking, we all prefer to darkness, all say that the sun is good, it is optimal, but those who are sick of the eye prefers darkness to light, the sun, and be tempted to accuse the sun to be his great enemy. [...].I can conclude that the same thing happens to the soul that looks similar penetrated by light, it is almost sick and absolutely incapable of receiving such a supernatural light, and, therefore, the poor thing, assaulted by this light, scares, panics in the soul and its powers, memory, intelligence and will, and, although indirectly, these scares and fears the inner senses also experience body. But when after the soul, little by little, he will be cured of his disability, soon begins to feel the healthy effects of this new grace.
(February 28, 1915, to Raffaelina Cerase - Ep. II, p. 360)
July 18
The question that always haunt me, and follows me everywhere, is not to know if what I do pleases God or not. It is true that on this point you told me many times, but what I do if, as in this ordeal, forget everything, and even, if I remember, I do not remember exactly and all is confusion?
Woe is me, for charity, be kind enough to wear it again in writing. God also will increasingly agigantando in my mind, and I always see it in the sky of my soul, which becomes coated with dense fog. I feel close and see it too far away. And to increase these desires, God makes me more intimate and the experiment, but these desires also make me see more and more distant.God!What a strange thing!
(July 16, 1917, to Father Benedict of San Marco in Lamis - Ep. I, p. 909)
July 17
There are times haunt me violent temptations against faith. I'm sure you will not agree, but the fantasy is so turned on and temptation, that spins in the mind, is presented with such clear colors, which presents the sin as not only indifferent, but nice.Hence also all thoughts born of despair, distrust, despair and even - do not panic, father, for charity - thoughts of blasphemy. I was horrified at such struggle, and strive always tremble, and I'm sure that, by the grace of God, not fall.Add further to this the dark picture of the past life, which is no more than my miseries and my ingratitude to God. I feel my spirit is broken with pain, and a very great confusion over me completely. I feel, therefore, as put under a harsh press and as if all the bones are shredded and separated from each other.And this operation as harsh I feel, not only in the recesses of the mind, but also in the body. And here I am assailed by the strong fear that God may not be the author of this strange phenomenon, because if you were him, how would one explain the physical mess? I do not know if this is possible.
(July 16, 1917, to Father Benedict of San Marco in Lamis - Ep. I, p. 909)
July 16
How do you get to say what I feel? Believe me it is precisely this that is the culmination of my internal martyrdom. Location continuous night, the darkness is densísimas.I wish the light and this light does not arrive ever. And, if you ever see also some faint ray of light, which happens very rarely, it is this which kindled in the soul most desperate desires to see the sun shine again, and these desires are so strong and violent, all too often, make me languish and melt with love for God, and I am ready to faint.All this without inadvertently experiment to do anything to get it. Most of the time, all this happens outside of prayer and also when I am engaged in indifferent actions.I do not wanna feel these things, because I realize that, when they are so violent, physical also suffers heavily, and, for this reason, I have very much afraid that it is not convenient for me. At all times I think I'm going to die, and do not want to die to feel the weight of the hand of God, who weighs on my mind.What's this? How do I have to act to get out of this deplorable state? Is God who works in me or someone else who acts in me? Tell me clearly, as always, and let me know how this occurs?
(July 16, 1917, to Father Benedict of San Marco in Lamis - Ep. I, p. 909)
July 12
I know you do not succeed in entristecéis because correct your imperfections, but, keep your spirits, my dear children, and remember that on this point I have said many times, that you have to deliver the same intensity to the practice of fidelity to God and the practice of humility. Fidelity to renew your intentions to serve God with the same frequency with which transgress, and that, having them present, do not transgress on. Humility, when you happen to have transgressed your purposes, to recognize your misery and abjection.
City painstakingly purify your hearts, according to the number and the inspirations that are going to receive. Lift your souls often God; leed good books if you possible, but with much devotion be constant in prayer, meditation, and examination of conscience several times a day.
(No date, the novices - Ep. IV, p. 383)
July 11
Let us continually oriented thinking into the sky, our true homeland, the land is not more than the image, preserving the serenity and calm in all events, whether happy or sad, as befits a Christian, and a soul formed with special care in the school of suffering.In all this I always encourage the reasons given faith and encouragement of Christian hope, and, behaving well, the heavenly Father will sweeten the bitterness of the test with the balm of his goodness and mercy. And it is this goodness and mercy of the heavenly Father to whom the pious and beneficent angel faith invites us and urges us to use a persistent and humble prayer, with the firm hope of being heard, because we trust in the promise that we makes the Divine Master: "Ask and you shall receive, seek and find, knock and it shall be opened ... For whatever you ask the Father in my name it shall be given."Yes, pray and pray always in the serenity of our faith, in the tranquility of the soul because warm and fervent prayer penetrates heaven and encloses in itself a divine guarantee.
(June 24, 1915, to Raffaelina Cerase - Ep. II, p. 452).
July 8
I think that Jesus is watching me continuously. If I ever happen to lose the presence of God, I feel at once that our Lord calls me back to my duty. The voice that calls me express I do not know, but I know that is very penetrating and, for the soul who hears it, it is almost impossible to reuse.Do not ask me, my father, how do I know who is our Lord which shows me that vision, when all eyes see not the body or the spirit, because I know I can not say about it more than I said. I can only say this: that he who is to my right is our Lord and no other, and also that even before he told me, I was already deeply etched in my mind it was him.This grace has made me much good. The soul remains in great peace, I feel completely consumed by an intense desire to please God, since I was favored with this grace, the Lord makes me look with immense contempt all that does not help me get closer to God . I feel an indescribable confusion unable to explain where I come as well.My soul is driven to express heartfelt thanks to the Lord for the grace he grants it without in any way the merits, and, far from believing so superior to other souls, think, however, that , how many people are in the world, it is the least serve the Lord, because, by this grace, the Lord has illuminated so the soul, which can not fail to recognize that it is much more compelling than all the others to serve and love his creator.
(July 7, 1913, to Father Benedict of San Marco in Lamis - Ep. I, p. 381)
