Do not give up!

July 16

How do you get to say what I feel? Believe me it is precisely this that is the culmination of my internal martyrdom. Location continuous night, the darkness is densísimas.I wish the light and this light does not arrive ever. And, if you ever see also some faint ray of light, which happens very rarely, it is this which kindled in the soul most desperate desires to see the sun shine again, and these desires are so strong and violent, all too often, make me languish and melt with love for God, and I am ready to faint.All this without inadvertently experiment to do anything to get it. Most of the time, all this happens outside of prayer and also when I am engaged in indifferent actions.I do not wanna feel these things, because I realize that, when they are so violent, physical also suffers heavily, and, for this reason, I have very much afraid that it is not convenient for me. At all times I think I'm going to die, and do not want to die to feel the weight of the hand of God, who weighs on my mind.What's this? How do I have to act to get out of this deplorable state? Is God who works in me or someone else who acts in me? Tell me clearly, as always, and let me know how this occurs?
 (July 16, 1917, to Father Benedict of San Marco in Lamis - Ep. I, p. 909)