He is your help and Protective

July 17

There are times haunt me violent temptations against faith. I'm sure you will not agree, but the fantasy is so turned on and temptation, that spins in the mind, is presented with such clear colors, which presents the sin as not only indifferent, but nice.Hence also all thoughts born of despair, distrust, despair and even - do not panic, father, for charity - thoughts of blasphemy. I was horrified at such struggle, and strive always tremble, and I'm sure that, by the grace of God, not fall.Add further to this the dark picture of the past life, which is no more than my miseries and my ingratitude to God. I feel my spirit is broken with pain, and a very great confusion over me completely. I feel, therefore, as put under a harsh press and as if all the bones are shredded and separated from each other.And this operation as harsh I feel, not only in the recesses of the mind, but also in the body. And here I am assailed by the strong fear that God may not be the author of this strange phenomenon, because if you were him, how would one explain the physical mess? I do not know if this is possible.

 (July 16, 1917, to Father Benedict of San Marco in Lamis - Ep. I, p. 909)