Fear and trembling have invaded me

June 10

How can I explain the shame atormentadísima tortures my soul? From Thursday to today I feel, more than ever, that my soul is full of extreme embarrassment. I feel the hand of the Lord has become more heavy for me, that the Lord is showing all his power to punish and, as a leaf blown by the wind, he rejects me and after me.Woe is me, I can not anymore! I can no longer bear the weight of his righteousness. I feel crushed under his powerful hand. Tears are the daily bread. I am restless, I look, but can not find it in his fierce justice.Oh my father, I can rightly say with the prophet: I have come to sea and the storm wrecked me, I cried and I'm tired in vain, my throat has become hoarse without getting any result. Fear and trembling have invaded me, and darkness covered me everywhere. I am lying on the bed of my sorrows, full of anxiety, looking for my God. But where to find it? From the bed of my sufferings and from my prison atoning vain attempt to return to life.(June 4, 1918, to Father Benedict of San Marco in Lamis - Ep. I, p. 1026)