Love that sustains me

 

June 20

Yes, my father, I am deprived of everything, even the appearance of virtue, so much to seem to be a fatal lukewarm state, by which God will just reject me your heart every day. And I feel that my downfall is irreparable, and I can not find a way out of this. Woe is me, I lost the ways, means, props, rules, and if I try to wake my memory off, I present a mysterious dispersion ago, and I feel more lost than before, unable to get up , and the mysterious darkness becomes denser.God, why do you shake and remuerdes and return to again and mystify shake so violently to this troubled soul, this soul destroyed in a while and whose destruction would say that is moved, caused and loved by your same mandate and permission ?

(June 19, 1918, to Father Benedict of San Marco in Lamis - Letters. I, p. 1033)