I'm lost

June 8

 I'm lost, yes, lost in the unknown. I am deprived of all. But I am determined, though I find comfort, to follow only the voice of one who serves God. I have hunger, my father, the return of my God to my soul, give it to me, Meet me of him, my life and my everything. The current conditions of my mind have no other reality than a complete ruin, sinister lights, which serve only to discover the rot and torture the victim, a prey to their unknown destination.My God, it is necessary, my father, this cry, just as I have this sorrow. I do not understand anything I'm afraid to be abandoned forever myself and, to this fear, I hold and I venture to hold on to obedience, that, without knowing how, I also think that away from me.
Term, because the intensity of the pain that oppresses me, my mind deprives the necessary clarity.
Bless me always and I, in turn, will not let you always sacrifice myself to this God that I lost.
(June 4, 1918, Fr Benedict of San Marco in Lamis - Letters. I, p. 1026)

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