What am thorn stuck in my heart!

June 9

I am put in extreme desolation. I am alone to carry the weight of all, and thought they could not provide relief of mind to those whom Jesus sends me, the thought of seeing so many souls who want to dramatically justify evil in spite of the highest good, I grieve, tortures me, tortures me, I slowly consumes the brain and my heart breaks to pieces.Oh God! What am thorn stuck in my heart! The two forces seem completely opposite in appearance, that of wanting to live to be useful to the brothers in exile and wanted to die to join the Bridegroom, in recent times, I feel superlative degree agigantarse the highest point of the spirit. I tear the soul and take away my peace, though not the deepest. While it is true that peace is touched, so to speak, but outside, I acknowledge that I much needed to act more gently and more anointing.Oh, father, father, do not leave me alone auxílieme with prayer and with his advice. I say that I am in a loneliness that I removed the quiet and rest and even the appetite. If you continue in this way, say you are at the door of a major crisis, because I realize that the body is also suffering from the actions of the spirit, and I fear more for that than this, not by me but absolutely and exclusively by others.(October 8, 1920, Fr Benedict of San Marco in Lamis - Letters. I, p. 1180).