"I am a mystery to me"

August 16

What I can say about me? I am a mystery to myself and, if reluctant, it's because the good Lord has reserved the last and sure word to the authority of this land, so there is no safer rule that the will and desire of the top. This authority abandoned me as a child in the arms of the mother, and I hope and trust in God that I be mistaken, but my sense leads me to believe the opposite.
My father, when the sun shine in the firmament of my soul?Woe is me, I am lost in the tall, deep night I go through. I'd rather not talk about this, it is unimportant to me, and all I crave is that God comes to give me the final blow.
(August 15, 1916, Father Augustine of San Marco in Lamis - Ep. I, p. 798)