I will not cease to cry for help

August 4

 I will not cease to cry for help, but, oh God, that hand has not been useless father again for this blind eternal death and blindness? Save your help, I'm about to say, for those who can seize it, I feel very strong burden of responsibility to the value of it. What might help is not useless because my case is really hopeless? Confuses me too see that more and more hostile conflict between light and projecting my spirit that I offer you soft, my guide. I detect in myself the truth that I have almost no strength to keep fighting, I'm starving at a table richly stocked, I burn with thirst in the fountain of pure water flowing ... what else? The light blinds me clarify before. How is it possible? I'm tired of tire the guide, and aid and obedience alone serve me not to abandon support for a complete withdrawal. Under this obedience I hesitate to express what happened to me since the day five in the afternoon and throughout the sixth of this month.  (August 21, 1918, Fr Benedict of San Marco in Lamis - Letters. I, p. 1061)