I am immersed in an ocean of fire

Dec. 15

I am immersed in an ocean of fire wound again I was open, bleeds and bleeds forever. It would suffice to cause me one thousand and sometimes death. Oh, my God, why do not you die? Or do you not see that, for you have wounded soul, until life is torment him? So cruel you are to remain deaf to the cries of those who suffer, and not confortas? But what do I say? ... Forgive me, Father, I'm beside myself, I do not know what I'm saying. Too much pain that I caused the wound that is always open, makes me furious against my will makes me leave me and leads to delirium, and I find myself unable to resist.Tell me, father, clearly: offend the Lord in these excesses that fall? What should I do to not displease the Lord, if the cry is impetuous and no force able to resist?My God! ... soon ... I leave the physical life, as they are useless all efforts to escape from spiritual death. Heaven, I believe, has been closed for me, and all efforts and cries turn against me, like arrows, to mortally wound my poor heart. My prayer seems useless to me and my broken spirit, the first attempt to rediscover the exit, he meets who deprives him of all courage and power, desanimándolo in utter helplessness and nothingness, in order not anything risking follow, and if it is true that when you venture again, it is reduced to impotence.
 (September 5, 1918, to Father Benedict of San Marco in Lamis - Letters. I, p. 1071)