The enemy always wants to put its tail, to ruin everything

March 7



 It is true that everything is devoted to Jesus and everything I try to suffer for it. But I can not convince me of this. In fact I am deprived of that light, and this is enough to fill me with fear and terror and believe that I am under the rigors of divine justice. And, in my view, what I confirmed this truth is to see God every day is more exalted in the eyes of my spirit, ever more distant view, and even see that God is going around more and more of dense clouds.
My mind is always fixed on this object, which never leaves my mind, and the more my eyes fixed on him, the more I realize to be hiding in this cloud, which is similar to those vapors that rise from wet when the sun rises.
Moreover, the heavenly Father never stops me share the pain of his only Son, also physically. These pains are so acute that it is not possible or describe or imagine. Also, do not know if it's lack of strength or if there is blame it when, as in this situation, unwittingly, I cry like a child.
It is a tough test for me not knowing if, in that I do, please God or offend him. Many claims have been given me in this connection, but what you want!, Do not have eyes to see. And besides, the enemy always wants to put its tail, to ruin everything. Implying that such claims will not cover all my actions are much less forever.
(March 6, 1917, Fr Benedict of San Marcos in Lamis - Letters. I, p. 872)