The love that is not fed by the cross, not true love

March 21

 I know that the cross is proof of love that the cross is a guarantee of forgiveness and love that is not fed and nurtured by the cross, not true love, remains in fireworks. However, despite having this knowledge, this false disciple of the Nazarene feels in his heart that he is extremely heavy cross and that many times (no offense and not be angry, father, to what I say) is in search of a pious Cyrene relieved him and comfort him.
What merit can have my love to God? I fear much for this, if my love for God is true love. And this is also one of the swords, along with many others, I press at times and makes me feel crushed.
And yet, my father, I have a great desire to suffer for Jesus' sake. And how to explain it later, before the test, against my will, will find some relief? Much force and violence in these tests should I have to silence nature, so to speak, forcefully claiming to be comforted.
This fight did not want to feel, many times it makes me mourn as a child, because I think it's a lack of love and correspondence to God. How about this?
Write to me, when I want Jesus, and always long, and their answers about many problems, doubts and difficulties of hope and light of heaven, like dew on thirsty land beneficial.
(April 21, 1915, Father Agustin de San Marco in Lamis - Letters. I, p. 571)